DOLPHIN TALE, 2011
Stars: Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr., Kris Kristofferson, Ray McKinnon, Nathan Gamble, Frances Sternhagen
A boy befriends a dolphin who lost her tail in a crab trap. Inspired by the story, everyone who knows the young man work together to create a prosthetic appendage for the dolphin, who in turn becomes an inspiration to people with special needs.
I’ll give a lot of you the opportunity to leave this page right away - Films like DOLPHIN TALE make me want to barf.
In fact, during the middle of the screening of this film, I had to walk out of the cinema to go to the bathroom in time to vomit. I was do disgusted by what I was watching, it hurt me at the core of my insides.
So if you hate me for writing about barfing about the heartwarming tale of a Dolphin and his tail (I get it now, a play on words. How clever!), then please leave this page now because you aren’t audience for this review.
If you’re still here, I’m sure you understand why these types of movies are barfing material. Here’s a list -
1) There are so many problems in today’s world. For one, there are 100,000s of people in the land of the USA who are homeless and without food or shelter. Shouldn’t we start caring about these people first before we care about a Dolphin?
2) The tugging at our strings manipulative storytelling. Just listen to the barf musical clues. This is the point of the movie where you’re supposed to laugh. Here’s the point of you crying. Here’s the point where you are supposed to be in awe of the godlike Morgan Freeman character saving the day. Musical scores like this should be outlawed in society. It doesn’t do anyone any good.
3) The obvious paint by numbers storytelling. From the first scene to the last you know exactly what’s going to take place, so what’s point of actually watching the film? Can someone please explain this to me?
In all seriousness, what if the Dolphin dies in the end because he is being manipulated so much by all of these stupid humans. He just can’t take it anyone with this species that thinks they are better than everybody else. So he takes the manufactured tail, stinks in his heart and commits suicide.
And wouldn’t that be a better lesson for the kids? I’m serious about this. And I bet that the family’s bond would be even tighter because of it. It shows the kids that life isn’t the musical score of the movie. That perhaps you should leave the damn Dolphin alone and figure out your damn issues by yourselves.
4) When you got a smart dude like the Morgan Freeman character, shouldn’t he be smart enough to know that he should be spending better man hours contributing to society than taking care of a Dolphin who just wants to be left alone? I mean this guy is smart and can figure shit out. Perhaps he can influence 1000s of people for the better in the same time he influenced the Dolphin. Just a thought.
I can go on as I had a list of 14 more things that make DOLPHIN TALE the barf movie of 2011. But you get my point. And love me or hate my for it. Just my two cents.
In the end, DOLPHIN TALE is not a good movie. The obvious is pretty much obvious.
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